I regularly put my name in Google search. It’s a ritual I do when I am feeling curious, and philosophical. I don’t do this exercise when I am feeling fragile, small, or like I don’t count.
I do it to see what all the other Susanne Taylors are doing out there. Especially those who spell it just like me.
The first time I did it, my intention was to see what kind of reach or visibility I had on the internet. It was very pragmatic and transactional. And it was an excellent wake up call – that technology is just logically sending me data.
It did not show me if people cared about me, or what I offered the world. It did not calculate my value to the world – just my SEO.
As I continued the exercise, which I do about once a year, I noticed something. A pattern of all the other Susanne Taylor’s out there.
Just like me, in a way
All were North American or European, between their late 30s and mid-60s. Ok, makes sense. The name is tied to a certain generation, probably an ethnicity and social class as well. Though there’s one Susanne Taylor that stands out as she is African- American. All of them are professionals (at least the ones that show up in the top 50 entries.)
What struck me was this: 85% of the other Susanne Taylors were psychologists, mental health care professionals, coaches, and one was even a tarot card reader and medium, like me.
Wait – what?! That’s so weird. Why are we all focused on work that has to do with mental and emotional well-being? Or on the human condition – most broadly.
This realization connected to something an old boss told me when my daughter was born and I shared her name (literally chosen the day before she arrived). He said to me, “The Sufi’s believe that the Soul chooses the name and communicates it to the parents. In our names is a message about our life path while we’re here. Because we hear it every day, all the time, it is an important anchor in what we came to do.”
Like a message in a bottle.
Even though it sounded strange, it made total sense, because all the names my husband and I tossed back and forth never felt right. In fact, you could be someone who has never felt ‘right’ about their name. It might be a signal that your name, in fact, is not the right name for you. Note: Parents are humans too, doing their best, though they won’t always get it right.
From the moment this seed was planted, I began to recognize that my name, and what people called me, triggered different thoughts and emotions in me. And because of that, I slowly realized that my name, as well, was no accident.
But, I still wasn’t sure what the message was.
It requires perspective
Sometimes we have to get further along the path to see the trail of breadcrumbs. My trail became very clear when I moved to Germany. 90% of the people said my name wrong – and it really – really – bothered me.
I assumed that as my name is Germanic in origin (my mother is a native German speaker) it would be an easy transition. Unlike my stays in Asia, where my name and the way you say it is uncommon, where I could easily forgive the mispronunciation of my name, in Germany it became a trigger for me.
It’s a common name here for crying-out-loud!
I had to take a moment to look at why it triggered me so much. I mean, did I really care if the accent was off? Yeah. I did.
They called me Susan.
A lot of people don’t see (or hear) the big deal. I honestly tried not to care. Really, I swallowed the name in some situations, but mostly it was like a rock in my shoe. I knew that if I didn’t begin to correct people, to stand up for my name – my message in the bottle – then I felt off.
One time in particular, I stood up for my name. A new colleague was presenting and mentioned me (aka ‘Susan’) and I raised my hand for a brief moment and said, “It’s Susanne,” very calmly. Her response, I will always remember. She said, “I’m not baking a cake here, so let’s move on.”
It took me a moment to understand what she meant (though I am still guessing, because I never did ask her to explain it to me). Baking is a science, and you have to get it exactly right or things turn out badly. So, if she saw using the wrong name for me as no big deal (so what, use soy sauce instead of brown sugar syrup, it’ll be fine!) what she was telling me is she didn’t care what my name was, as it didn’t really matter.
She didn’t care what my name was, because she didn’t care about who I was.
I learned to make a funny threat. I’ll forgive you once, but then you’ll owe me some dark chocolate or a trip to the rock climbing gym next door. One person actually took me up on the rock climbing, but almost everyone made an effort to say my name correctly.
In fact, Sylvia – my twin, suffered a lot during our childhood because no one could remember her name. Cynthia? Samantha?!
Now that she lives in Europe too, her name is common and no one forgets it. Instead, when we are together at a conference, more people call me ‘Sylvia’ than call her ‘Susanne’. The effect has been that she feels seen and more herself.
I’ve had to assert myself more. Claim my space. Claim my distinction. And to recognize it for the learning experience that it (still) is. My name is important. I have a path to follow.
How I do that is up to me.
And funny enough, seeing the other Susanne Taylors doing something similar doesn’t make me feel less special, or less important, but it actually confirms that I am on the right path. We are each making our individual, unique contributions while we’re here, and our names are one clue to that mission. How we accomplish it is up to each of us.
Whether you have a name that is common, or not. Whether it is tied to a family tree or has significance in your culture or language, it is a piece of the puzzle of why we’re here.
Your name is a key piece of your identity.
It’s important to notice these clues we’ve been given, to support us on our journey in Earth school.
If your name doesn’t ‘feel’ right, listen to that feeling. It’s telling you something important.
And just a bit of friendly advice: treat names as the special things they are. Make an effort to get them right and you’ll be rewarded with appreciation, and support a fellow human along their path.